I was raised in a religious Christian family. At that time, Americans were more religious than they are now\u2014most families went to church every Sunday, for example. My parents were involved in the church community. We often had ministers (Protestant \u201cpriests\u201d) in the house. My mother taught in Sunday school, and I helped her.<\/p>\n
I must have been more religious than other children, although I don\u2019t remember being so. For one birthday, my aunt gave me a Bible, and my sister a doll. Another time, I asked my parents for a prayer book, and I read it daily for many years.<\/p>\n
When I was in junior high school (middle school), I attended a Bible study program for two years. Up to this point, I had read some parts of the Bible, but had not understood them very well. Now was my chance to learn. Unfortunately, we studied many passages in the Old and New Testament that I found inexplicable, even bizarre. For example, the Bible teaches an idea called Original Sin, which means that humans are all born sinful. I had a baby brother, and I knew that babies were not sinful. The Bible has very strange and disturbing stories about Prophet Abraham and Prophet David, for example. I couldn\u2019t understand how prophets could behave the way the Bible says they did. There were many, many other things that puzzled me about the Bible, but I didn\u2019t ask questions. I was afraid to ask\u2014I wanted to be known as a \u201cgood girl.\u201d Al-hamdulillah (Thanks to God), there was a boy who asked, and kept asking.<\/p>\n
The most critical matter was the notion of Trinity. I couldn\u2019t get it. How could God have three parts, one of which was human? Having studied Greek and Roman mythology at school, I thought the idea of the Trinity and powerful human saints very similar to the Greek and Roman ideas of having different so-called \u201cgods\u201d that were in charge of different aspects of life. (Astaghfir-Ullah!) (I seek the forgiveness of God)The boy who asked, asked many questions about Trinity, received many answers, and was never satisfied. Neither was I. Finally, our teacher, a University of Michigan Professor of Theology, told him to pray for faith.<\/p>\n
I prayed.<\/p>\n
When I was in high school, I secretly wanted to be a nun. I was drawn to the pattern of offering devotions at set times of day, of a life devoted entirely to God, and of dressing in a way that declared my religious lifestyle. An obstacle to this ambition, though, was that I wasn\u2019t Catholic. I lived in a mid-Western town where Catholics were a distinct and unpopular minority! Furthermore, my protestant upbringing had instilled in me a distaste for religious statuary, and a healthy disbelief that dead saints had the ability to help me.<\/p>\n
In college, I continued to think and pray. Students often talk and argue about religion, and I heard many different ideas. Like Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens), I studied the Eastern so-called religions: Buddhism, Confucianism, and Hinduism. No help there.<\/p>\n
I met a Muslim from Libya, who told me a little about Islam and the Holy Quran. He told me that Islam is the modern, most up-to-date form of revealed religion. Because I thought of Africa and the Middle East as backward places, I couldn\u2019t see Islam as modern. My family took this Libyan brother to a Christmas church service. The service was breathtakingly beautiful, but at the end, he asked, \u201cWho made up this procedure? Who taught you when to stand and bow and kneel? Who taught you how to pray?\u201d I told him about early Church history, but his question made me angry at first, and later made me think.<\/p>\n
Had the people who designed the worship service really been qualified to do so? How had they known the form that worship should take? Had they had divine instruction?<\/p>\n
I knew that I did not believe in many of the teachings of Christianity, but continued to attend church. When the congregation recited pieces I believed to be blasphemous, such as the Nicene Creed, I was silent\u2014I didn\u2019t recite them. I felt almost alien in church, almost a stranger. I knew that I did not believe in many of the teachings of Christianity, but continued to attend church.<\/p>\n
Horror! Someone very close to me, having dire marital problems, went to a curate of our church for advice. Taking advantage of her pain and self-loathing, he took her to a motel and seduced her.<\/p>\n
Up to this point, I had not considered carefully the role of the clergy in Christian life. Now I had to. Most Christians believe that forgiveness comes through the \u201cHoly Communion\u201d service, and that the service must be conducted by an ordained priest or minister. No minister, no absolution.<\/p>\n
I went to church again, and sat and looked at the ministers in front. They were no better than the congregation\u2014some of them were worse. How could it be true that the agency of a man, of any human being, was necessary for communion with God? Why couldn\u2019t I deal with God directly, and receive His absolution directly?<\/p>\n
Soon after this, I found a translation of the meaning of the Quran in a bookstore, bought it, and started to read it. I read it, off and on, for eight years. During this time, I continued to investigate other religions. I grew increasingly aware of and afraid of my sins. How could I know whether God would forgive me? I no longer believed that the Christian model, the Christian way of being forgiven, would work. My sins weighed heavily on me, and I didn\u2019t know how to escape the burden of them. I longed for forgiveness.<\/p>\n
I read in the Quran:
\n\u201c\u2026nearest among them in love to the Believers you will find those who say, \u2018We are Christian\u2019: Because amongst them are Men devoted to learning, and men who have renounced the world and are not arrogant. And when they listen to the revelation received by the Messenger, you will see their eyes overflowing with tears, for they recognize the truth. They pray, \u2018Our Lord! We believe. Write us down among the witnesses. What cause can we have not to believe in God and the truth which has come to us, seeing that we long for our Lord to admit us to the company of the righteous?\u201d(Quran 5:82-84)<\/p>\n
I saw Muslims praying on the TV news, and wanted to learn how. I found a book (by a non-Muslim) that described it, and I tried to do it myself. (I knew nothing of Taharah — ritual purity — and did not pray correctly.) I prayed in my own strange, desperate way, secretly and alone, for several years. I memorized some parts of the Quran in English, not knowing that Muslims memorize the Quran in Arabic.<\/p>\n
Finally, after eight years of reading the Quran, I found this verse:
\n\u201cThis day have I perfected your religion for you, completed My favor for you, and chosen Islam as your religion.\u201d (Quran 5:3)<\/p>\n
I wept for joy, because I knew that, way back in time, before the creation of the Earth, God had written this Quran for me and for others. God had known that Anne Collins, in Cheektowaga, NY, USA, would read this verse of the Quran in May 1986, and be saved.<\/p>\n
Now, I knew that there were many things I had to learn, for example, how to offer the formal Muslim prayer. The problem was that I didn\u2019t know any Muslims.<\/p>\n
Muslims are much more visible in the US now than they were then. I didn\u2019t know where to find them. I found the phone number of the Islamic Society in the phone book, and dialed it, but when a man answered, I panicked and hung up. What was I going to say? How would they answer me? Would they be suspicious? Why would they want me, when they had each other and their Islam?<\/p>\n
In the next couple of months, I called the mosque a number of times, and each time panicked and hung up. Finally, I did the cowardly thing: I wrote a letter asking for information. The kindly, patient brother at the mosque phoned me, and then started sending me pamphlets about Islam. I told him I wanted to be Muslim, but he told me, \u201cWait until you are sure.\u201d It upset me that he told me to wait, but I knew he was right, that I had to be sure because, once I had accepted Islam, nothing would ever be the same again.<\/p>\n
I became obsessed with Islam. I thought about it, day and night. On several occasions, I drove to the mosque (at that time, it was in an old converted house) and circled it many times, hoping to see a Muslim, wondering what it was like inside. Finally, one day in early November 1986, as I was working in the kitchen, I suddenly knew, knew that I was Muslim. Still a coward, I sent the mosque another letter. It said, \u201cI believe in Allah (God), the One True God, I believe that Muhammad was his Messenger, and I want to be counted among the witnesses.\u201d
\nThe brother called me on the phone the next day, and I said my shahadah[1] on the phone to him. He told me then that God had forgiven all my sins at that moment, and that I was as pure as a newborn baby.<\/p>\n
I felt the burden of sin slip off my shoulders, and wept for joy. I slept little that night, weeping, and repeating God\u2019s name.
\nForgiveness had been granted. Alhamdulillah!<\/p>\n
Footnotes:
\n[1] The statement a person makes when accepting Islam (and many times a day thereafter: I testify that there is no deity other than God, and I testify that Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, was a messenger of God.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Source: https:\/\/www.islamland.com\/eng\/articles\/anne-collins-ex-christian-usa<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"